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[Dark Humor] [Long] [NSFW] A joke, from Russia with love ;) Sry if anyone is offended. Not my intention.

Long, Russian joke I know which I translated to the best I could. Not really pc. Sry D: A Russian, a German and a Jew stand on the roof of a burning skyscraper. The floors beneath them are engulfed in flames. No where to run. The 3 man, in sheer panic, have nowhere to escape to. So the Russian goes to ledge and thinks for himself: "I don't want to die. Not in such a gruesome way like burning alive. I rather jump from the building an take my chances." But he still fears death so he stops at the ledge and doesn't know which to pick. Suddenly an angel appears before him and says: "Russian, listen to me: Believe in the lord, send him your prayers and he will safe you. The lord is your Shepard. Just believe in him and jump!" The Russian, full of doubt but with no other way out, decides to believe in this strange occurrence, goes for the ledge and with a last prayer on his lips, jumps off the building. He falls to the ground with a gut wrenching sound BUT survi
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Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night, all three would wear black leather bras, stiletto heels, and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman : The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my life. I love you.’ Then we made love all night long. The mistress : Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes, and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night. The married woman : I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s house for the night. When my husband came home, I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos, and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came through the door and saw me, he said, ‘What’s for din

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train. The train driver sees 3 fucking idiots standing on the train tracks. submitted by /u/SuperB260 [link] [comments] * This article was originally published here Subscribe for more JOKES

9 Best Cooking Kits for Kids That Love Food

Baketivity Cost: Starting at $49.92 for a one-month subscription Shop Now Made by parents for parents and kids, Baketivity’s baking boxes arrive with pre-measured ingredients and easy instructions. Designed for children ages four through 10 but perfect for the whole family, the boxes are a creative way to bond and create something scrumptious. Implement some of these timeless cooking tips from grandma when you cook. The post 9 Best Cooking Kits for Kids That Love Food appeared first on Reader's Digest . * This article was originally published here Subscribe for more JOKES

18 new Halloween jokes from 2020

Q: Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy? A: At the ghost-ery store! Q: What do owls say when they go trick or treating? A: Happy Owl-ween! Q: What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters? A: Booberries! Q: Who did Frankenstein go trick or treating with? A: His ghoul friend. Q: What Halloween candy is never on time for the party? A: Choco-LATE! Q: Which type of pants do ghosts wear to trick or treat? A: Boo jeans. Q: What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging? A: You never know which witch is which! Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween? A: Prank-enstein! Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most? A: Straw-berries. Q: What does a witch use to do her hair? A: Scarespray! Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A: He is mist. Q:How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? A: A pumpkin patch. Q: Why don’t vampires have more friends? A: Because they are a pain in the neck. Q: What position does a ghost play in hockey? A: Ghoulie. Q: What do you give a vampire whe