[Dark Humor] [Long] [NSFW] A joke, from Russia with love ;) Sry if anyone is offended. Not my intention.
Long, Russian joke I know which I translated to the best I could. Not really pc. Sry D:
A Russian, a German and a Jew stand on the roof of a burning skyscraper. The floors beneath them are engulfed in flames. No where to run. The 3 man, in sheer panic, have nowhere to escape to.
So the Russian goes to ledge and thinks for himself: "I don't want to die. Not in such a gruesome way like burning alive. I rather jump from the building an take my chances." But he still fears death so he stops at the ledge and doesn't know which to pick. Suddenly an angel appears before him and says: "Russian, listen to me: Believe in the lord, send him your prayers and he will safe you. The lord is your Shepard. Just believe in him and jump!"
The Russian, full of doubt but with no other way out, decides to believe in this strange occurrence, goes for the ledge and with a last prayer on his lips, jumps off the building. He falls to the ground with a gut wrenching sound BUT survives without a scratch or even a bit of dust on him and walks away euphorically.
On the roof, both of the remaining men, after witnessing this wonder, starts praying to the lord furiously.
The German decides to try his luck and goes to the ledge. And to his surprise, the same angel appears before him and says :
"German, don't doubt the lord. If you pray to him and believe in his might, he will safe you from this deathtrap. Just believe and let go of all your doubts."
So the German stands there, scared to die, scared to jump. But after a few seconds he goes: "Ach, scheiß drauf (ah fuck it)!” Prays for the last time and goes over the ledge. And with an unholy sound, he slaps onto the ground, but, o praise the lord, with not a single scratch to his body. Frolicking to be alive, he wanders off.
The last guy, Jewish as he is, never doubted the power of the lord, always lived by the Bible and never stopped to believe in the lord. He witnesses those miracles and is happy because he knows that the lord is with them and that he, also will survive. So he goes to the ledge and waits for the angel to appear. And as expected, the same angel appears and says to the Jew:
"Ah I see you are a man of God. I don't need to tell you what to do, as I see, you are prepared and full of faith. So go on, child of the lord, believe and be saved"
Without missing a beat, the Jew closes his eyes, with a smile on his face, jumps of the roof, hits the ground and....dies.
At the same time he dies, his soul goes to heaven and he opens his eyes before the gates of heaven. Seriously confused about his whereabouts, it dawn's on him that he died and is even more confused. Suddenly, the gates opens and God himself appears before the Jew, but although he may be the almighty one, he still seems surprised to see the Jew infront of heavens gate. Therefore he asks him, how he ended up here because he should have lived another 70 years. The man explains God the whole situation and God listens carefully and after a brief moment speaks:
"Well, that didn't go well for you, I am sorry for that. Say, if I get you the angel, would you recognise him again?”
"Of course I would" says the Jew.
So be it. The lord summons all his angels, line's them up and says to the Jew: " Alright, now show me the angel who brought you in this situation."
The Jew slowly goes around, checks the angels and with a grasp suddenly points towards one angel.
J: "That's him, this is the angel who lied to me!" G: "This one, on the far right? Are you absolutely sure??” J: "I am 100% sure that's him. I'd never dare to lie infront of the lord himself!"
God (with sheer frustration in his voice): "Oh for fucks sake! How many time do I need to tell you! Just stop it with them Jews, Adolf!!!"
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