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Boyfriend-Girlfriend jokes


Really Insulting 
Girlfriend: One of my ancestors was actually a king.
Boyfriend: I never knew you were a desendant of King Kong. 
Funny Timing Joke 
Boyfriend: For the last time I am telling you that I didn't come here to get insulted.
Girlfriend: Then where else do you usually go? 
Insulting Date 
Boyfriend: Doesn't this date make you long for another?
Girlfriend: Yes, but no one else would come. 
The Fool 
Girlfriend: By BF could be an even bigger fool but he lacks ambition. 
Intelligent 
Girlfriend: You are so intelligent that you brighten the place whereever...
Boyfriend: whereever I go?
Girlfriend: No, whereever you leave. 
The miser 
What is the height of miser-liness?
A man who is so stingy that if he were a ghost, he wouldn't even give a fright. 
The perfect idiot 
Boyfriend: Do you thing I am a perfect idiot?.
Girlfriend: I keep telling you that you are not perfect. 
Insulting Joke 
Girlfriend: There is nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for you in life.
Boyfriend: Do you love me so much honey?
Girlfriend: Well, what I meant was that I am going to spend my life doing nothing for you. 
Nice sense of humor and timing 
Girlfriend: I am soon approaching 25.
Boyfriend: From which direction? 
BF who plays the Guitar 
Boyfriend: How do I play the guitar?
Girlfriend: You should be on TV for your talent.
Boyfriend: Am I so good?
Boyfriend: If you were on TV, I can atleast switch it off. 
Witty GF and silly BF 
Boyfriend: Can we have a battle of intelligence between us?
Girlfriend: No thanks, I don't fight an unarmed person. 
A gift for girlfriend 
Man 1: I want to buy a gift for my girlfriend for her birthday but I don't know what she would like. Give me a suggestion.
Man 2: Does she like you?
Man 1: Yes
Man 2: Then she would like anything. 
Hilarious Joke 
Boyfriend: I need to tell you a secret that I haven't told you so far: I a seeing a psychiatrist.
Girlfriend: Oh! I need to tell you a truth too. I am seeing a psychiatrist, plumber and a mechanic.

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[Dark Humor] [Long] [NSFW] A joke, from Russia with love ;) Sry if anyone is offended. Not my intention.

Long, Russian joke I know which I translated to the best I could. Not really pc. Sry D: A Russian, a German and a Jew stand on the roof of a burning skyscraper. The floors beneath them are engulfed in flames. No where to run. The 3 man, in sheer panic, have nowhere to escape to. So the Russian goes to ledge and thinks for himself: "I don't want to die. Not in such a gruesome way like burning alive. I rather jump from the building an take my chances." But he still fears death so he stops at the ledge and doesn't know which to pick. Suddenly an angel appears before him and says: "Russian, listen to me: Believe in the lord, send him your prayers and he will safe you. The lord is your Shepard. Just believe in him and jump!" The Russian, full of doubt but with no other way out, decides to believe in this strange occurrence, goes for the ledge and with a last prayer on his lips, jumps off the building. He falls to the ground with a gut wrenching sound BUT survi...