30 very Funny Facebook status updates

1. The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
2. I'm not always rude. Sometimes I'm sleeping.
3. I'm an awesome singer......... when no one is listening.
4. How to sleep faster? 
5. Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom so you can fall asleep faster.
6. I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
7. Before talking, Please connect the tongue to the brain…
8. For every girl without a guy, there`s a guy without a girl.
9. I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!
10. You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
11. That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
12. You're not fat, you're just.. easier to see. \m/
13. You never realize how weird your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.
14. Life would be much easier if mosquitoes sucked
15. tension instead of blood!!
16. Restaurant Advertisement Board: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour's wife, and beer as COLD as your own!"
17. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
18. I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you ………… “Pay The bill”
19. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
20. It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
21. If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
22. They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?
23. Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
24. Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P
25. Today’s Joke! A Girl said …….. TRUST ME :)
26. I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)
27. Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
28. Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?
29. Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
30. I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.

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